:)

best weekend in a very long time. so good :)

i already plan

I already know Im not gonna get much sleep this week at all. I have to edit a ton of video and catch up with all my other work and do more work on my portfolio. But all the other work has to get done before the portfolio gets done, but I have all this drawing to get done for that. I also have to think of what I'm gonna do for my guerilla art assignment for my silkscreening class and then go out and put them up and take pictures. yay for my teacher promoting illegal activities. i got a ton picture frames yesterday for redoing my room. i'll be definately documenting it once I start really actually painting and moving around everything else.

more good news!

So I had emailed the head of the design department to find out if I could get my silkscreening/poster design class to count towards my B requirement studio credits, and he said that was fine! yayyy. So now I can take the portfolio class I want to take and everything is going as I planned before. I also talked to this guy Chris from this silkscreening design company about working with them and he seems like an awesome guy and sounds like the projects will be really awesome, so I'll probably be working there as well as the park this summer. He talked about possibly doing a new t-shirt line which I would be super stoked on being involved in, as he said it would be reflective of the surf culture in new jersey. Im way excited for everything again. Yesterday was a real bummer and finally some of my hard work is paying off and leading to better things.

in better news.

so my music video is going to be in the advertising/graphic design show that my school is putting on for the portfolio. it'll be a lot of cool artwork, print, 3D, and motion graphics stuff. so go! i'd sure appreciate it. and if you can't read the postcard it says:

Location: Art Directors Club, 106 West 29th street, ny, ny

Exhibition: Tuesday March 31st- Friday April 10th

Gallery Hours Monday thru friday 10am-6pm

Reception: Tuesday March 31, 6-8PM

$VA

every year i find out here that i have one other class that needs to be taken care of. now im really gonna have to pay for it next year. im just so utterly mad and frustrated and want to cry because I yes ME, has to pay for it. So based on what i think its gonna cost per credit my loans will add up to a little under 50,000 dollars. i can't even comprehend that crap. so im probably gonna have to sacrifice the class I want to take so i can reduce that. i have put so much money and work and shit into this school and because of my advisor not being clear with me I have to take another class on top of my portfolio class that i did not expect to take. you know of all things i want, i want to take the class that instead of meeting once a week, meets twice a week and will probably be a ton of work but thats the one I want to take. and of course its 6 credits per semester instead of one so thats why it'll cost me so much more. why can't i just have the money for this. just for school. i could care less about anything else right now. just this.

3/17/09

today so far has been a very successful day. woke up early and went for a bike ride. then silkscreening class, made a bunch of shirts, which are all very awesome. Talked to my silkscreening teacher about the TA position and also helping him with his gallery, so seems like I'll be a shoe in for both, which is great. I really think the busier I keep myself the better I'll be in the long run later on. Went food shopping and got some chicken, cereal, milk,  and granola. put on my lovely green shirt as I am irish, gottabe proud of my pale skin and the freckles my heritage gave me. But this will be the first time not drinking on St. Patricks day, but thats fineeee with me. I'm going to make a delicious di

nner of orange chicken, peas, and brown rice!

things

things i need within this year:

a new computer with new software. this is gonna cost me around 3,000 bucks probably. it sucks but my laptop becomes more and more obsolete everyday. it works fine don't get me wrong but it can't handle the newer adobe programs that i will constantly be using and i need to make an investment in something i use everyday.

things i want:

im getting the number 18 tattooed on the back of my leg with a diamond inside of it. born on april 18th. you get it. bday gift to myself.

a new bike. with my tax return money. 

i want to sell my camera and put it towards getting an even better one.

things i will be doing this summer:

working at the park system, redoing my room, hopefully doing freelance work with this silkscreening company. getting in better shape. 

thank god!

today was my last day of work for playboy for the week. i must say im very tired from working there 3 days in a row but glad I did it so I could make some extra money. yay! 

i have noticed how badly the economy is finally getting. my mom told me today the county I live in is not going to have a job program for this summer. thats a ton of jobs people will not have this summer. also i am very lucky to get my job back at the park system as other people who have worked there 20 years and plus are being laid off. so im really happy i have it and very grateful, otherwise i really don't know what i would have done this summer. i really look forward to having my morning talks again with my favorite old brit, michael and all the other crazy characters there and of course making funny vinyl stickers again. 

tomorrow is going to be a great day!

working with my music video teacher, graham (my other favorite brit), on finishing stuff for our awards show with some other classmates in brooklyn, apparently spray painting will be happening. great haha. then i gotta pack up and meet up with my mom and her work friends for brazilian food and then a broadway show. im super hyped on having some fried plantains! YES.

so now since im done with work i can finally somewhat relax for the rest of my break, which is not very much left. but i will enjoy it nonetheless.

new picturess

Morton salt girl silkscreen print I did. Instead of regular rain it is acid rain complete with holes in the umbrella and "when it rains, it burns" I also hand drew it all. yea i got skill.

these are so creepy looking. what are you lookin at!

you really gotta eat something dude!

did i mention i really love spending hours in museums.

BEAR!

BISON!

!!!

SHIT TALKER!

just sweat it out.

yesterday i got a haircut and went to a hot yoga class. i was sweating my ass off. i have never sweated so much in my entire life but it was probably the best thing i needed right now. i feel like i sweated out all the stress and worries inside of me. all i thought about for an hour and a half was to breath and whatever position i had to do. it was really great and i understand why people like it so much. so i plan on going to it every week hopefully. it just really made me feel a lot better. 

but today was back to real life and work again. back to worries. and back to exhaustion.

ugh!

my brain and heart aren't communicating anymore.

i dont know whats wrong with my brain. i have lost the capacity to feel anything humane anymore.

 

i work more and more to forget that my brain and heart haven't been the same in monthes.

what has happened?

gasping for air

i woke up at some point in the morning apparently gasping. looked like i had a bad dream. i don't remember it at all. jackie apparently witnessed me doing this. great.

i have lost

a lot of hope in what may become of me finding someone. it saddens me a lot. i don't want the urge but it always remains. i miss that feeling. i thought i had it before, but things don't always work out. 

i have become increasingly mad about chris trying to contact me. there are many things I have realized what my relationship with him did, it contributed a lot of pain and struggle with my friends and family, the people i love the most. it hurt some of the closest people in my life and i wish i could make it all forgotten. i'm so sorry. i never wanted my relationship with someone to hurt everyone else. i should have listened better. its one of those traits that i always was so proud of before and i lost it when i was with him. words were falling on deaf ears. i was so stupid. it isn't worth it. no one is worth that. i feel bad about it all the time. i made a lot of poor decisions and i think about it a lot even though things are a lot better now but I can't help but think what the present would have been now if i had made some wiser decisions. 

i wish i could make that anger go away. 

ive lost a lot of motivation at school. i don't feel like doing much work anymore.

ive become increasingly agitated and frustrated. 

work at playboy has become annoying. it'll be good when im done.

next week is spring break. thank god.