hahahaha

tired

soooo tired at work for the past few days. must get used to less sleep please.

my everything

ive gotten to the point where im not even sad about it anymore, its gotten to the point where i want to break so much because of how much of me was invested. i gave everything.

i always give everything, to everything i do and maybe thats wrong but i feel like i have to give everything so i know ive given my best. my everything.

i recognize my faults so much more now. i definately have to work on some things.

time for a new me

i need to start listening to this song everyday. im tired of being a mope and tired of sitting around doing nothing about it. im better than that and i know it.

Time for a new me
I hear they're having a sale
At thrifty
I'm trading myself in
And I don't care what I get for it
'Cause I finally burned out
Been kicking myself for way too long

Finally found out
What it feels like to be living a lie
Wasting my time, paralyzed
Wishing I was in another world

Im taking a new tack
Gotta turn my back to turn back
I don't wanna feel this way anymore
So I'm finding my way out
By turning away from a brick wall

Finally found out
What it feels like to be living a lie
Wasting my time paralyzed
Wishing I was in another world

Somebody tell me what to do
I've wasted my last 15 years
Jumping through their hoops
Only to find nothing waiting for me
But academic oblivion
My proud destiny

See I finally burned out
Been Kicking myself for way too long

Finally found out
What it feels like to be living a lie
Wasting my time, paralyzed
Wishing I was in another world

Wishing I was in another world..
Somebody tell me what to do
Wishing I was in another world.

Time for a new me.

as of late

this is what i have decided as of late about myself:

i made a lot of changes in the last few monthes or so. i decided to cut a lot of crap out of my life that had added to the misery of me making horrible decisions that i had already made in the past. i did things that weren't me. i did things to make other people happy. i stayed in a relationship for 3 years out of fear of being alone. i drank myself stupid and regretted things the next morning. i made myself physically sicker and voluntarily made myself that sick. i was only hurting myself. 

so you wonder why i stopped drinking. thats why. physically ive never felt better and for the most part ill bounce back emotionally better even though its so on and off recently.

yes i have been having a rough time for the last month or so. i can only attribute this to me moving home and being done with school basically, and a relationship that didn't work out and really hurt me. 

this makes me question even more about me now more than it ever has. 

yea i think a lot about everything. i overthink a lot also. im actually pretty sure i gave myself a head ache last night for thinking too much. 

im very tired but i have to keep going and eventually everything will work out. 

i thought

i thought i was doing so well. but i always question myself and make myself crazy and then don't believe in myself anymore.

hungout with paul a bunch this week. lots of fun. been really awesome.

but of course today saturday, no one can do anything and i have nothing planned.

and i think i have a fever but can't tell cause my thermometer is broken.

fuck.

so so so

frustrated.