books

i want a large book case like this and all the books to fill it. one day!

sick still!

what the fuck i am still sick. not funny! i just had some amy's alphabet soup which was delicious.

i want to make some cookies now. fuck!

i forgot i had these from california from that so called vacation i went on with chris and jimmy which was really a nightmare and a complete waste of my time. we had gone to this awesome old arcade that had these great fortune teller machines and games in san francisco.

this one said: Your hand indicates there are some bad lines that point to danger, unless care is used. Do not harbor unjust suspicion, for you will be in the wrong. Yours is a long life, and the last part is by far the best. Illness figures once only, and occurs around your fiftieth year. You have usually great vitality and magnetism. You will marry once and have a large family. There is one disturbing factor so have a care as to how you manage home matters.

this one said: You are a born leader, with a sense of justice and good memory. Firm in any conviction. Home loving, dependable and devoted to family and friend... Tempermental personality and desirous of being frank...

my body hates me ha!

i spent today in bed. my body finally physically told me to take a break. i didn't want to but like i said my body had other days. im feeling a lot better right now. have drank a ton of oj today. finally took some advil and that helped a lot. slept a ton. so im hoping this stupid shitty throat stuff doesn't come back again and my body got to re energize today.

im running out of room on my book shelf. i just love getting all these awesome books so much. i can't help it!

i also have a large craving for pancakes. particularly banana pancakes. have to get those sometime this week or make them.

certain

i think im so certain about people and then im not anymore. i scare myself. i just don't want to keep making the same mistakes over. just don't want to get hurt again. its hard to trust but i know ill do it. im hoping ill be lucky this time. but i don't think its about luck anymore. all i know is that im certain i like him. that is what i am certain about and i guess thats all i need to know right now.

i need tea again. my throat is acting up again.

best weekend

i went up to long island this weekend and it was seriously the best. i was so exhausted by all the fun i had and i want it to be like that always. best best best.

i love it!

thank you rebel 8 for putting all this stuff on sale and so i could especially get that hoodie that i had wanted so badly monthes ago. score! 8 dollars for shirts and that hoodie was 16. god damn thats good!

best

"I wish I could be a genius so that I can build a teleporter just for you."

best text i've received in a while :)

yesterday

yesterday i had the best day with my friends.

yesterday i saw something at the mall that broke my fucking heart.

im not ok now. not at all. i can't even breathe right now. i have never felt so hurt in my entire life.

i was driving

whenever im driving late at night now all i wanna do is drive out of this state to anywhere. where? i have no clue, but i just want to keep driving and staying dark outside. music playing, back roads in the trees, no ones there, im the only one one the road.

i woke up this morning and when i was driving to work, i wanted to cry, i held the last month in hoping things were looking up and different but i was wrong and i let him get away with what he wanted to do with me. i was just a pawn in his chess game. i never meant anything to him.

i stopped myself, from crying, he isn't worth it. not worth it.

i hope i don't have bad luck forever.

i need to remember to make an eye appointment. im pretty sure my vision got worse again.

crazy

this weekend was very crazy and drama filled and im glad it is over with.

new week. new things. new beginnings.

maybe

ill punch you in the face or one of my friends will, and you'll hurt just as much as i do right now.

decisions, decisions.

so much built up

so much built up inside me. you have absolutely no idea. i have no idea. this is too much for me to handle every day. i want some happiness back. i want it back so badly.

i need some luck or something.