blurry vision

i hate when ive been staring too long without blinking and my contacts get all screwed up and then everything gets all blurry. hate that. everytime i take them out i think im just gonna go blind and that would utterly suck beyond words. such blurry vision.

i am not an object

it makes me so mad when a certain individual decides to text me after a long period of time after initially hanging out in the first place to hangout because he thinks we didnt hangout enough. basically wants to get some. does he think im stupid? does he think im someone he can just use? im not. fuck that. and hes not just doing this to me hes doing it to every girl thats available at the time. who can hangout? not me.

break my teeth

But cute isn't strong enough a word.

unintentionally gorgeous.

i wish i could help. i wish i could make it better.

great apes!

i could stare at these guys all day long.

its good to get dirty sometimes

i went for a bike ride today because I haven't been able to in such a long time because of doing things and shitty weather. needless to say the bike paths were horribly cleaned. ton of water,snow, mud and tons of potholes in a bike path which I don't understand as only bikes and people are on these paths. at one point i decided to turn around as it got exceptionally worse even though I knew I could go for much more, it also started to snow again. Legs covered in mud i decided to venture back to the apartment. i plan on doing the boro bike tour in may and so want to get in pretty good shape for that.

did not

sleep well. 

new hat

my grandma knitted me a hat and i fucking love it. so stoked on it. i just don't feel like doing anything hereee. this sucks.

so ive waited here for you.

great fucking song. everlong.

hello 

i've waited here for you

everlong

tonight i throw myself into

and out of the red

out of her head she sang

come down

and waste away with me

down with me

slow how

you wanted it to be

I'm over my head

out of her head she sang

and i wonder

when i sing along with you

if everything could ever feel this real forever

if anything could ever be this good again

the only thing i'll ever ask of you

you've got to promise not to stop when i say when

she sang

breathe out so I can breathe you in

hold you in

and now you've always been

out of your head

out of my head i sang.

snowww

big white fluffy snowflakes outside...

today sucks

today was a really depressing day. my grandfathers girlfriend passed away and today is the funeral. it was really really sad and really cold. they had been together the whole time ive been alive and more and even though my grandfather hasn't be the greatest individual to me personally i can't help but feel very sad that it must be heartbreaking to loose someone you've spent most of your life with. other bad things have been happening to my friends. i feel really horrible. and i feel sad being back in the city, when i used to be so happy to come back. i guess im just distracted by other things that are more important.

?

did i do something wrong? is it me?

orange bikes

apparently according to this blog i read on nyc bicycling there has been a large number of orange bikes being stolen. liz's bike that she gave me is orangey red. greatttt. triple lock that shit haha.

this time in the bike dream part of my leg got ripped off and i didnt die. an improvement but still fucking painful.

i also started reading the watchmen today and its so fucking good. so good.

its nice...

to feel this kind of happy again.

this winter break has been really the best thing for me and has given me a lot of hope for what else there is to come. i've hung out almost every day with friends and its been great. i really get along with my family so well now. i decided to take a lot of chances and they were totally worth the risk. i haven't laughed so much like this in such a long time and laughter really is the best medicine. and i got a flannel shirt for 5 dollars at target a few days ago. nothing beats that.

scared?

there are only a couple things im really scared of in life and one of them is death and losing people. my dad told me the other day that someone at work had a heart attack over the weekend and died and was only 50. my dads father died when he was 53 of cancer. i get very scared sometimes that something will happen to him. also for the past few nights i have this recurring intense dream of me riding my bike in the city and falling off and getting run over by a car. very vivid and very scary and has only happened now since i fell already in the city a month ago, its just so intense sometimes. ugh.

one thing i do hate

i hate that even though i don't smoke cigarettes but hangout with people who do it saturates my clothing and makes it stink and i want to puke now. 

repeat

currently on repeat

jawbreaker: seafoam green

modest mouse: dashboard and missed the boat

american football: you know i should be leaving soon

bouncing souls: better things

champion: promises kept

cat power: sea of love

the descendents: all of cool to be you and everything sucks

no time.

as much as this winter break has been a large success filled with hanging out with lots of great friends and stuff, i've had no time to do any sort of drawing or just artwork in general that isn't related to school and i just have all of these ideas and just haven't had any time do any of it. maybe today?

my room will always be a mess. i've accepted this haha. 

i feel like all of these certain holidays emphasize the fact that you should be with someone at that moment and if not your a loser basically. so tired of that idea in my head that shouldn't holidays just be spent with the people you love and doesn't necessarily mean a significant other or whatever. as much as i know i would have liked to be with someone last night, sometimes it doesn't always work out that way. 

i think im gonna keep with my 2008 new years resolution for this year also:

more tattoos 

and the snuggie commercial is on right now. absolutely ridiculous.

one thing i have learned, no matter what is going on, i will always feel like i need more time.