sure why not?

i want to be a tornado chaser for like a year. really dangerous and really exciting. awesomeeee. watching this show on the discovery channel and this is what has evoked this maybe idea to do it one day, someday haha. i also had this dream like a week ago about being stuck in a tornado town basically. very odd but was very real.

the grass is greener on the other side

things are really looking up for once!

have a cookie

umm yea just wish i could have that feeling over and over again. so great. also, the weather was great today and great for bike riding and cutting pants into shorts. then i remember global warming and hating the human race. 

things i can never get sick of:

friends

listening to music with friends

meeting awesome new people

being spontaneous and not regretting any of it and truly meaning that.

things that suck, when one of my best friends still won't talk to me. makes me feel like a horrible person and really helpless.

pen and paper. thats all i got to say today!

chances

the semester is done with thank god. i can relax for once in a long time. so i've had this weakness that i've really tried to work on but sometimes i just can't help it. i have this hope that these certain people have changed and i get taken advantaged of, i hope it didn't happen again, but i guess karma is a bitch sometimes. just wish that this isn't the case and i took a chance on something fun.

i've forgotten

i've forgotten what it's like to be young and carefree. i've forgotten what it's like not to worry. i've forgotten what love is. i've forgotten to be a kid. i've forgotten to scream at the top of my lungs in frustration. i've forgotten to break out. 

new haircut!

so i got a new haircut and im gonna finally gonna do my new series over winter break of this idea i've had for a while but haven't had the time to do. what is it? you will have to wait and see.

sing along forever

so i came up with this idea i really love for something on my other leg possibly or where ever but not sure how it should totally look yet. so i want two birds; a goldenfinch and a mocking bird. under the goldenfinch will say home sweet home and under the mocking bird something in reference to a quote from to kill a mockingbird. im really excited that i thought of something like this.

brains?

i've become a zombie with only one thing i must set out to do. 

more work..........

true colors

I always find it so amazing when I have decided a certain relationship wasn't best for me at that time period a person's true colors come out. fucking amazing. at least i have my true friends and everyone else can fuck off. I don't have to listen to stupid bullshit about people knowing who I am because the people who do know who I am are my best fucking friends and fucking family. fuck that noise!

for at least a while

NEVER DATING AGAIN!

i need a haircut.

ive decided im gonna get a new haircut. totally different. i can't wait till the end of this semester and be able to relax and not have to worry about anything or anyone. this weekend has sucked cause ive been sick the entire weekend. all i want to do is lay in bed. it sucks and thank god im going  home tuesday.

no drinking?

so i've been thinking about not drinking for a while and just trying to focus on being healthier again because in my stressed state of mind i forget about myself. i've been also getting these horrible stomach aches when I do and I feel like crap. im tired of feeling shitty this is just one less thing to make me feel shitty.

so...

So I can't say Im the happiest lately but then again I feel like I have no real time to feel anything. When I do have free time I don't want to think about anything. I miss one of my friends a lot because it feels like he has no time for anymore and sometimes I lose hope until he sends me that text sometimes and then it makes me happy to know that he still knows im there but its still hard. More than ever I feel like i need a few months away. I want to go away so badly without anyone. Im just that kind of person who likes to be alone sometimes and I think thats probably hard for some people to believe or accept but its something I do need every now and then. Im young and sometimes I feel like I held back these years not at school and not that I regret the decisions I made but maybe should have taken more chances in the people who truly made me happy. 

a new hope

All I have to say really is that change is on the way no matter what. I don't know what its really like to believe in a president until now, to believe in the United States again. For so long it was proud to be part of a country where my President was an arrogant, disrespectful idiot. So is this what it feels like when democracy actually works. This is what it feels like to believe in the county I live in again. Hopefully I won't lose that feeling again. My grandmother said she cried when she found out Obama won. She thought she would never see this day and it makes me even happier because across all ages he has made an impact and such an impression. My dad has never voted before and this time he did. Says something doesn't it?

I

i no longer feel pain. i no longer feel anything. i may be a mess but i don't have time to worry about it. it is all temporary.

sometimes

i really hate fucking asshole stuckups know it alls in my school. i really wish i could put duct tape over there mouth so i wouldnt have to hear the shit spilling from their mouth. you don't know everything about design and neither do i. so shutup! 

stuff

stuff is just too overwhelming right now. this really sucks and im not happy at all not to mention i have so much work to do, i feel like i have no time to think about anything except my work and doing it. im pretty sure im going to go home tomorrow and hopefully be able to relax or something. just not going right, right now.

maybe ill get this whole thing right one of these days. for now ill just be as uncertain as ever.

i want..

i want this hat. i need to get it. i <3 nj. by the way i think im spreading myself thin. i have a ton of work to do and so little time to do other things now. i feel like i won't be seeing everyone for a while now. sucks but i gotta work hard. i feel like ive done half-assed so far but now i feel the momentum again and that groove.

finally the cold has come

finally it has begun to feel like fall. went to the eastern state penitentiary on friday and it was pretty awesome and scary at the same time. yea lots of people popping out at you but even scarier is the history behind this place and what it looks like inside. it was crazy the isolation that these inmates went through and no wonder its fucking haunted. but it was really cool and can't wait to go on the actual day tour sometime. 

i hate being sick

i have a nasty cold and im also very itchy from my tattoo, but i am very happy with the outcome. ive also realized that some people that are hurting will try and make you hurt just as much because they are selfish and jealous and im glad he is not in my life anymore simply because of that and how he has spoken to me. im so happy with who i am today and i will continue to make the decisions i have been.

not the preferred way to commit suicide

"As the breeze whipped the flames from his face, I could see that although his eyes were closed, his features were contorted with agony. But throughout his ordeal he never uttered a sound or changed his position, even as the smell of burning flesh filled the air. A horrified moan arose from the crowd, and the ragged chanting of some of the monks was interrupted by screams and cries of anguish. Two monks unfurled a large cloth banner reading, "A Buddhist Priest Burns for Buddhist Demans."

communication

communication is a good thing! i got my shit in the mail today. very excited. got my kid dynamite, beastie boys, t-shirts, pins, joe strummer dvd, and champion cd. all good stuff. and im listening to the cd and its pumping me up! o and this cd packaging class has given me a total new appreciation for cds again. bad for my wallet, good for my mind!

vietnam war

so we watched this film today in my american wars class on the vietnam war. it just has reaffirmed the fact how disgusting war is and how much is hidden from us. theres the one famous picture where the south vietnamese general shoots a vc guy and they have it on film in this movie and all I can say was unreal. I couldn't believe how fast it was and how it was just all part of the madness. the blood poured out of his head like it was water or something. It was just really disgusting and I got very nauseuous and wanted to puke, not because of the gore factor, more because of how disgusting humans can be to each other. im such a fucking pacifist sometimes.

new!

so I have decided that I am going to start a totally new blog. goodbye livejournal. feeling like im gonna do something different with this and actually include a lot more images and such.